What Is
by Falling-With-Angels
Summary: He does not understand not truly, but he is, he wasn't always and he won't always be, but for now he is. MxM


**This was basically my muses going here, have this, it was dumped on me at random and would not leave me alone until it was written, so here it is XD... Warnings - Yes I did cry while writing this so any emotional Glorestor fans should probably have tissues at the ready.**

 **Disclaimers : No I don't own anything, If I did LOTR would have gone on a tangent so long that it would have grown legs of its own and bolted.**

His first memory was a glade, bright and glimmering in the sunlight, there was nothing outstandingly memorable about his birth, he simply was where moments before he was not. He was found by a creature much taller than himself, he found out later that this of course was due to the fact that the one who found him was full grown and he was not.

The one who found him was named Elrond, he seemed disturbed at the fact that he had no memory beyond that sunny glade, he did not see the problem yet Elrond insisted on giving him a name, it was how he became known as Erestor.

He, now Erestor, was taken to Elronds city, Imladris, it was new, young like himself and beautiful though unfinished, he - Erestor- was welcomed with open arms and though he grew faster than expected, Elrond chalked this up to malnourishment in his youth, that he was simply older than he appeared. Erestor became used to his new name, he new role, stopped thinking of himself as simply being and began to think of himself as an Elf. He trained with the rest of the younglings and found that while he could fight his strength did not lay in his hands, it lay in his mind, he seamed to know things which he simply should not know, if it happened in Imladris' boarders he knew of it.

He was there of course when Elrond wedded Celebrian and when the twins were born it was decided that despite his youth, that he would be their tutor, he was the after all the only one, other than the boys parents, who could tell the pair apart.

The first time he met another like himself he was sitting in council with delegates from Lothlorien, he did not know how she and him were different to the Elves, it was just another thing that he simply _knew_. He asked her of course, found her after the meeting, and he had to admit she was beautiful, like the forests under starlight, all silver hair and glimmering hazel-green eyes, she was an untameable forest, she was Lothlorien and he was Imladris. They were siblings in someway, she agreed to care for and guide him for she was older, she did not understand completely but she understood more.

It was around the time that Arwen was born that _He_ arrived, Golden hair, fake smiles and a deep, deep hurt that he tried to hide, but he could not hide it from him, Erestor knew all that happened in Imladris and he knew all his people, however this one was different, not like himself and Lothlorien, just different to the rest of his people. Erestor cared for all who called his halls home, yet none with the deep unwavering knowledge that he would first see himself torn to pieces than see them hurt, none that is, other than _Him_.

He kept himself distracted for a while, busy with Arwens lessons, pretended _He_ didn't exist unless to deal with his reports, it worked for a while, he could push down that feeling and just continue with everyday as it came; but Glorfindel just had a way of getting under your skin.

They married of course, in the late spring in that little glade Erestor loved so much and all who attended agreed they were made for each other; Glorfindel was the only thing that ever made Erestor smile. Glorfindel ignored the feeling that Erestor was not the same, Erestor ignored the Knowledge that he shouldn't be doing this.

Time passed, Erestor became Elronds chief scholar and chief councillor and chief advisor, there was none other in the city who simply knew like Erestor did. At some point along the way Glorfindel worked it out, he had known Gondolin, like snowdrifts in moonlight, and now he knew Imladris, like Midnight and starlight.

Time to elves meant very little, time to those like Erestor meant less, he still did not understand, not completely, but he understood enough, he understood when he felt exhaustion in the council, the ring screaming that it could save him, screaming so loud that he could not think, he understood when with every Elf that left his walls, why he slept a little longer and Glorfindel understood when his mate, his beloved, his Imladris looked at him with tears in his once bright sapphire eyes, eyes now darkened with exhaustion. With each passing day he would become weaker, would smile less though he tried, tried for his sunlight.

He tried to explain once, when Elrond had left, when all that was left of his people were two loyal twins who refused to leave their sister and a golden lord who refused to leave his mate, but it was hard to explain something he did not truly understand. It would be like dust in the wind, a fading memory it will be, and then it wont.

He left of course, Glorfindel, even his will was not enough to keep Imladris alive, he left with the twins, assuring them that Erestor had only forgotten some keepsake, that he would follow momentarily, within seconds though they knew, Erestor would not be following them; Glorfindel could not stop crying. When they turned back they imagined for a moment that a figure watched them from a window, tears staining gaunt cheeks.

His last memory was a glade, bright and glimmering in sunlight and he was alone; and just like dust in the wind he simply ceased to be, yet if you listened the wind seemed to whisper, a single word, a name:

"Glorfindel"


End file.
